Thursday, October 13, 2011

Rising Above

This week marks the first week I made the decision to move back to Iowa to give a shot at trying to rekindle a delayed dream. After I was forced to drop out of college due to financial reasons, I was very sick and mentally and emotionally drained. I had a hard semester taking 22 credits and pretty much was dieing from starvation due to lack of funds. I had enough and called it quits and decided to move back home. I got myself back to normal for the most part with my health. I had the opportunity to design/construct costumes for my high school's musical. After being in college with a crap ton of confidence, and then leaving under the impression that I failed and I'm not good enough since I will never finish, I approached this with a lot of fear and apprehension. I ended up bombing the costumes and poorly constructing them. I was humiliated and embarrassed to even call myself a designer.
With my living conditions slowly dwindling down where I was living at, I was forced to move with my mother in a town I know nothing about. My mom tried telling me to go in a different field and stop dreaming, it probably won't happen. I listened to her and tried applying for any job I could get my hands on. With the economy being as poor as it is, there was nothing really available for jobs. My mom gave me a deadline when I first moved with her to find a job by September 2010 or it's time to go. I failed at finding a job. So I moved back to the hometown I was just at, and ended up firstly sleeping on a basement floor for awhile, and then with a friend on the floor until I got a game plan. The only option I had in mind was to move back to Ames, IA where I went to college at. I really didn't want to move back there, but I needed to start paying off student loans and I didn't want to disappoint my family anymore than I felt like I have.
I told my family that I am moving back to Iowa. I told them to drop me off, don't worry about me, and if anything happens that I will eventually be home to be there. They were all scared, but knew that it had to be done. I stayed with a friend and couch surfed until I found a job. I found a job(as much as it isn't the best job), I took my mother's advice and kept an open mind. I couch surfed and rented out rooms until March 2011, and then I finally got my own place. Still sleeping on an air mattress, it was a big step to keep going.
Throughout my time so far in Ames, a lot of things happened. I was in a car accident, I missed out on Christmas as well as Thanksgiving, a friend of mine had a child, and somebody I knew passed away. I sacrificed a lot to keep myself afloat. When I moved into my new apartment in August, I had an epiphany that all of my former college classmates. Loved me or hated me, they have jobs lined up, internships completed, or fashion lines started. I needed to make a name for myself. I made the decision to restart up my clothing line and will be keeping it up to date, no matter how many pieces I sell. I still want to keep my name out there so that all the people rooting for me will not be let down. I am making my mother very proud for not giving up on my dream, as much as she worries for me everyday. I want to be a fashion house someday, and I gotta work ten times harder without a degree or industry experience. But I do know that I can do it if I set my mind to it and I never give up. I have matured a lot over the year both as a designer, and as a person. I feel like I can do it.
I named this post "Rising Above" for numerous reasons:
1.I felt like I have risen above all of the adversity I have faced this past year.
2.I have developed the nickname "Phoenix" from rising above.
3.I learned about my character that I will bend, but never break. I will rise above my competitors and all of the people throughout my life that told me that I was never going to be good enough, or doubted my capabilities.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

I'm Back!

Hey y'all!
I have been MIA on my blog lately because a LOT has gone down in the past year. First and foremost, I have moved back to Iowa(unfortunately) so I could have a job since my hometown had nothing. I basically packed two suitcases and asked my family to drop me off and support this decision to couch surf for a while, because I needed to make money and continue to try and achieve my dream. I had to sacrifice a lot to be here. I had to miss out on Thanksgiving and Christmas so I could maintain a living. Moving a total of 11 times in the year 2010 was very annoying and very humbling at the same time. I learned that family is very important to me and I should never take them for granted.
I was also involved in a pretty life threatening car accident that almost took my life. My side of the car(passenger side) took heavy impact to a very large red truck. My side of the car was squeezed to a fourth of it's size. I had to basically crawl out of the shattered driver side window to get out of the car and onto the stretcher where I was taken to the emergency room where I was cared. I spent a total of 5 hours in the emergency room with two IVs, a breathing tube, back brace, neck brace, and a head brace. I was scared for my life and I refused to call any family because I didn't want any worries. I walked out of there with just a small cut on my hand and a lot of whiplash. I was told that if the car hit any closer to my door, that I would have been in very critical condition. That experience taught me to not procrastinate on my dreams and goals any longer. In the past, I was just saying that I was going to do things, and never did them. Now I am doing everything that I say I'm doing.
With all of the eventful happenings in the past year, I have decided to finally get my own place, and get all of my sewing gear and start up my clothing line again. The clothing line used to be called "B-RAD" due to a nickname I was called in school. It also used to be a very flamboyant aesthetic with very loud prints and statements. I felt that it wasn't what I was about as a person or as a designer. With all of the happenings in my life, I have started to see the beauty in things that are taken for granted or what an everyday person would consider ugly. I have more of an edgier and an underground style and aesthetic. And I really want to make an impact on the environment. So the new name of the clothing line is called "Tainted Teal" and it really represents what I am as a designer now as well as the direction that I am going. I intend on releasing a spring/summer 2012 collection this November and I will be updating my design blog more often so that you all can check out my progress.

I hope you all enjoy the journey that I will be sharing with you all.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


If you haven't known, I am working very hard on auditioning for project runway. I have been told that I am very talented and creative. Some days I think that about myself, but days like today I am very nervous about my work. I am very aware to the fact that I don't have the knowledge of proper garment finishing. That is due solely to the fact that I haven't finished design school. I wish I could have a little bit more training, but I am trying to work with what I have learned.

So far, I have two skirt parts completed, but there are issues with each of them. I am not going into specifics as to what is the problem with them. I have to create very well executed garments if I am going to show to a pannel at a project runway casting, since they look at the quality, finish, and execution of the work that you present. That worries me so much.

I want to show everybody who I am as a creative thinker. I don't get the opportunities that most designers get. I am at a serious handicap in the fashion world and right now I feel very stuck on what I should do or what I can do to make things better. It's a serious pressure cooker in my brain to think about how I can create nice work that is presentable to a group of seasoned professionals in the industry that is going to decide my fate in being a contestant on Project Runway.

Here is what I have so far:

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

ISU Fashion Program

If you all didn't know, I used to be a fashion design student at Iowa State University. I have some opinions both good and bad about the program:
1. They say that it is one of the top 10 fashion programs in the U.S.-I can believe that to some extent. There are some really challenging courses that should prepare you for the real world. However, I've noticed that numerous alums of mine I have come to know have been unemployed since they graduated, even with tons of talent and marketability in the industry. I understand that the economy is going through tough times, but if this was a top ten program, wouldn't there be some job security?
2. There are some real professional teachers-with professionalism comes other faculty that isn't as professional as the others. There are teachers I have come to know that act like sixteen year old girls and get very immature toward the students with their impatience. They also put their personal feelings in the way of the grading process. If they like the person, the student gets a good grade and if you aren't liked, you will get a low score. I don't think that its a matter of favoring as much as it is straight up ignorance.
3.This program pushes students to go beyond their creative thinking-I've seen many people in my fashion classes that have tried to go above and beyond with their creative process not only in my year but from the upper classes. There are people there that I have seen that "play it safe," with their designs. I understand people who want to work for a company, but there are so many designers that want their own label that make basic shirts that everybody has seen numerous times. People are also ignorant as to thinking that their designs are for a certain celebrity such as Lady Gaga. I think that 2010 is about what is new in fashion as well as what is going to sell to everyday women. Designing for a celebrity isn't really that realistic for a fashion student or even someone who is just starting their fashion career. Finding a target market and then incorporating your personal touch into the design is what I think should be done.
Since fashion is a very competitive field, making "safe" garments may not land you the job. I think that design companies are really into what is in your head. Making bold and risky choices may help a designer out, but at the same time making it realistic for the everyday woman. I've seen so much serious ugly in my fashion classes where they try too hard and it doesn't pay off for them. I think that when some companies see some of these designers portfolios...they might just die from it, or die because of it.
These comments are not 100% based on my personal experience at Iowa State University, they are from a few of my friends that either graduated from there or are still students there. This isn't me being completely a bitter and negative person. I also am a very opinionated person(if you couldn't tell), so sorry if you are offended by any of the material that I have placed on this blog post. However I will not apologize for saying it.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


Hello Everybody!
I'm a fashion designer with my own little "horse and pony," of a clothing line. I design one of a kind pieces for sale, mostly in the nightlife/cocktail kind of clothing. I guess I decided to start out this blog because I have a point-of-view as well as an opinion about the fashion industry that needs to be heard. Since I am known as a "fashion school drop out," I also want all of my friends and fans to see/know what I'm doing now since my time to shine was put out early thanks to my "lovely," college. But don't worry, I don't need a lame college to be my platform to be the amazingly talented designer that I know I am.
Oh well, I hope you all stay tuned to my blog posts in the future as well as any updates on the work I've been doing for my line.
*Peace, Love...and Applesauce*