Thursday, October 13, 2011

Rising Above

This week marks the first week I made the decision to move back to Iowa to give a shot at trying to rekindle a delayed dream. After I was forced to drop out of college due to financial reasons, I was very sick and mentally and emotionally drained. I had a hard semester taking 22 credits and pretty much was dieing from starvation due to lack of funds. I had enough and called it quits and decided to move back home. I got myself back to normal for the most part with my health. I had the opportunity to design/construct costumes for my high school's musical. After being in college with a crap ton of confidence, and then leaving under the impression that I failed and I'm not good enough since I will never finish, I approached this with a lot of fear and apprehension. I ended up bombing the costumes and poorly constructing them. I was humiliated and embarrassed to even call myself a designer.
With my living conditions slowly dwindling down where I was living at, I was forced to move with my mother in a town I know nothing about. My mom tried telling me to go in a different field and stop dreaming, it probably won't happen. I listened to her and tried applying for any job I could get my hands on. With the economy being as poor as it is, there was nothing really available for jobs. My mom gave me a deadline when I first moved with her to find a job by September 2010 or it's time to go. I failed at finding a job. So I moved back to the hometown I was just at, and ended up firstly sleeping on a basement floor for awhile, and then with a friend on the floor until I got a game plan. The only option I had in mind was to move back to Ames, IA where I went to college at. I really didn't want to move back there, but I needed to start paying off student loans and I didn't want to disappoint my family anymore than I felt like I have.
I told my family that I am moving back to Iowa. I told them to drop me off, don't worry about me, and if anything happens that I will eventually be home to be there. They were all scared, but knew that it had to be done. I stayed with a friend and couch surfed until I found a job. I found a job(as much as it isn't the best job), I took my mother's advice and kept an open mind. I couch surfed and rented out rooms until March 2011, and then I finally got my own place. Still sleeping on an air mattress, it was a big step to keep going.
Throughout my time so far in Ames, a lot of things happened. I was in a car accident, I missed out on Christmas as well as Thanksgiving, a friend of mine had a child, and somebody I knew passed away. I sacrificed a lot to keep myself afloat. When I moved into my new apartment in August, I had an epiphany that all of my former college classmates. Loved me or hated me, they have jobs lined up, internships completed, or fashion lines started. I needed to make a name for myself. I made the decision to restart up my clothing line and will be keeping it up to date, no matter how many pieces I sell. I still want to keep my name out there so that all the people rooting for me will not be let down. I am making my mother very proud for not giving up on my dream, as much as she worries for me everyday. I want to be a fashion house someday, and I gotta work ten times harder without a degree or industry experience. But I do know that I can do it if I set my mind to it and I never give up. I have matured a lot over the year both as a designer, and as a person. I feel like I can do it.
I named this post "Rising Above" for numerous reasons:
1.I felt like I have risen above all of the adversity I have faced this past year.
2.I have developed the nickname "Phoenix" from rising above.
3.I learned about my character that I will bend, but never break. I will rise above my competitors and all of the people throughout my life that told me that I was never going to be good enough, or doubted my capabilities.