Thursday, October 13, 2011

Rising Above

This week marks the first week I made the decision to move back to Iowa to give a shot at trying to rekindle a delayed dream. After I was forced to drop out of college due to financial reasons, I was very sick and mentally and emotionally drained. I had a hard semester taking 22 credits and pretty much was dieing from starvation due to lack of funds. I had enough and called it quits and decided to move back home. I got myself back to normal for the most part with my health. I had the opportunity to design/construct costumes for my high school's musical. After being in college with a crap ton of confidence, and then leaving under the impression that I failed and I'm not good enough since I will never finish, I approached this with a lot of fear and apprehension. I ended up bombing the costumes and poorly constructing them. I was humiliated and embarrassed to even call myself a designer.
With my living conditions slowly dwindling down where I was living at, I was forced to move with my mother in a town I know nothing about. My mom tried telling me to go in a different field and stop dreaming, it probably won't happen. I listened to her and tried applying for any job I could get my hands on. With the economy being as poor as it is, there was nothing really available for jobs. My mom gave me a deadline when I first moved with her to find a job by September 2010 or it's time to go. I failed at finding a job. So I moved back to the hometown I was just at, and ended up firstly sleeping on a basement floor for awhile, and then with a friend on the floor until I got a game plan. The only option I had in mind was to move back to Ames, IA where I went to college at. I really didn't want to move back there, but I needed to start paying off student loans and I didn't want to disappoint my family anymore than I felt like I have.
I told my family that I am moving back to Iowa. I told them to drop me off, don't worry about me, and if anything happens that I will eventually be home to be there. They were all scared, but knew that it had to be done. I stayed with a friend and couch surfed until I found a job. I found a job(as much as it isn't the best job), I took my mother's advice and kept an open mind. I couch surfed and rented out rooms until March 2011, and then I finally got my own place. Still sleeping on an air mattress, it was a big step to keep going.
Throughout my time so far in Ames, a lot of things happened. I was in a car accident, I missed out on Christmas as well as Thanksgiving, a friend of mine had a child, and somebody I knew passed away. I sacrificed a lot to keep myself afloat. When I moved into my new apartment in August, I had an epiphany that all of my former college classmates. Loved me or hated me, they have jobs lined up, internships completed, or fashion lines started. I needed to make a name for myself. I made the decision to restart up my clothing line and will be keeping it up to date, no matter how many pieces I sell. I still want to keep my name out there so that all the people rooting for me will not be let down. I am making my mother very proud for not giving up on my dream, as much as she worries for me everyday. I want to be a fashion house someday, and I gotta work ten times harder without a degree or industry experience. But I do know that I can do it if I set my mind to it and I never give up. I have matured a lot over the year both as a designer, and as a person. I feel like I can do it.
I named this post "Rising Above" for numerous reasons:
1.I felt like I have risen above all of the adversity I have faced this past year.
2.I have developed the nickname "Phoenix" from rising above.
3.I learned about my character that I will bend, but never break. I will rise above my competitors and all of the people throughout my life that told me that I was never going to be good enough, or doubted my capabilities.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

I'm Back!

Hey y'all!
I have been MIA on my blog lately because a LOT has gone down in the past year. First and foremost, I have moved back to Iowa(unfortunately) so I could have a job since my hometown had nothing. I basically packed two suitcases and asked my family to drop me off and support this decision to couch surf for a while, because I needed to make money and continue to try and achieve my dream. I had to sacrifice a lot to be here. I had to miss out on Thanksgiving and Christmas so I could maintain a living. Moving a total of 11 times in the year 2010 was very annoying and very humbling at the same time. I learned that family is very important to me and I should never take them for granted.
I was also involved in a pretty life threatening car accident that almost took my life. My side of the car(passenger side) took heavy impact to a very large red truck. My side of the car was squeezed to a fourth of it's size. I had to basically crawl out of the shattered driver side window to get out of the car and onto the stretcher where I was taken to the emergency room where I was cared. I spent a total of 5 hours in the emergency room with two IVs, a breathing tube, back brace, neck brace, and a head brace. I was scared for my life and I refused to call any family because I didn't want any worries. I walked out of there with just a small cut on my hand and a lot of whiplash. I was told that if the car hit any closer to my door, that I would have been in very critical condition. That experience taught me to not procrastinate on my dreams and goals any longer. In the past, I was just saying that I was going to do things, and never did them. Now I am doing everything that I say I'm doing.
With all of the eventful happenings in the past year, I have decided to finally get my own place, and get all of my sewing gear and start up my clothing line again. The clothing line used to be called "B-RAD" due to a nickname I was called in school. It also used to be a very flamboyant aesthetic with very loud prints and statements. I felt that it wasn't what I was about as a person or as a designer. With all of the happenings in my life, I have started to see the beauty in things that are taken for granted or what an everyday person would consider ugly. I have more of an edgier and an underground style and aesthetic. And I really want to make an impact on the environment. So the new name of the clothing line is called "Tainted Teal" and it really represents what I am as a designer now as well as the direction that I am going. I intend on releasing a spring/summer 2012 collection this November and I will be updating my design blog more often so that you all can check out my progress.

I hope you all enjoy the journey that I will be sharing with you all.